inonebasket | (no subject)

Yeah Cas said he could eat, not he could eat five orders of the carnivore special.

Vaguely disappointed and more than a little unsure of himself (a feeling he will never, ever grow accustomed to) Castiel rolls off of the bed and heads into the bathroom, snagging his duffel along the way. He needs a shower and he gets the feeling Dean needs space. Two birds.

Hey, at least one of those is for Sam, okay? Give Dean a little credit.

Castiel is right, though, Dean does need some space. All his life he's been all about the ladies (because there are some very nice ladies out there and he would like to appreciate them, thanks). But now he's just spent the--what time is it again?--the last hour spilling his guts to and making out with a dude. With Cas and he's pretty sure the only way that'd get any freakier is if it'd been with Sam.

Dean rubs his hands over his face, trying to figure out why this bothers him so much. Or, more importantly, why it isn't bothering so much. It is bothering him, just not as much as he'd think it would. He's bothered less than he should be and that bothers him. Or something.

Dammit. He needs a drink. He gets up and digs through his duffel until he finds the half-full bottle of Jack and cracks it open, sorely tempted to down the whole thing.

Castiel emerges from the bathroom, clean and changed, to see Dean drowning himself in drink again.

Oh God. He was so bad he drove Dean to the bottle. Standing stiffly in the doorway Cas looks at the bottle before looking over toward the door. "My apologies. I'll...do some research." So he doesn't fuck it up so bad next time.

What. No. What.

No! Dean drove himself to the bottle!

"Where the hell are you going? Food's gonna be here any minute and it's late. Research can wait." He swallows another mouthful.

Yeah but he does not want to be in the same room as the guy he really wants to jump when said guy does not want to be jumped. "You and Sam should be sharing a room," Castiel says, sitting down on the edge of his bed.

Dean snorts. Yeah, maybe he will just drink the rest of this.

"Yeah, right. The second I go over there, you'll get some bug up your ass about leaving to keep me safe, and then what? I don't think so, Cas. I'm staying right here." He pauses with the bottle halfway to his mouth. "Besides, you sleep better when I'm around."

And Dean sleeps better with Cas around, but that's a little more than he's able to admit just yet. He'll get there.

"I can manage."

Cas looks back over at the door. "I wouldn't leave now anyway. The last thing it would do is keep you safe. The Leviathan will be attacking us regardless, we might as well band together for the sake of numbers."

"Cas." See Dean completely ignore everything about the Leviathans. "I don't want you to manage. Managing is just surviving and surviving is hell. I want you to be good. Okay? I'm staying here."

"Then you need to be good also." Cas finally looks over at Dean for the first time leaving the bathroom. Kind of alarming, considering how much of Cas's waking moments are spent staring at Dean. "I don't want you to settle for 'just surviving' either."

Dean is looking at his rapidly dwindling Jack. "I am good. Or better anyway. Bruises and all, Cas, the last couple weeks have been pretty good. So thanks."

Cas is looking at Dean's rapidly dwindling Jack as well.

What?

Dean offers up the bottle, not that there's much left to it.

"Sorry, I'm hogging it. Finish it off, I'll go grab some more from the car."

"I need you, Dean." Still looking at the bottle before returning his attention to Dean's face. "Not just for... I need you because I can't do this alone and that's what I am without you. Alone."

Okay, then. More for Dean.

"You're not going Brokeback Mountain on me here, are you?" Oh wait. He's not going to understand that reference. "Cas, I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere."

No, he doesn't get that reference and stop making references when he's trying to be serious. Dean, you are one of the most frustrating creatures on this good green Earth, you know that?

Cas crosses the room, stands in front of Dean and puts his hand on the mouth of the bottle. "If this hurts you, we can pretend it never happened."

Yes, and that's why Cas follows him around like a lost little puppy, isn't it? Because he's stubbornly frustrating.

Dean looks at Cas' hand for a second before putting the bottle down. "Look, all jokes aside, if it was anybody but you I'd've probably run screaming by now. But the rules are different with you. I dunno why. I don't really get it. They just are. I just need a little time to figure my own head out, that's all."

yes that is exactly why

'Rules are different with you.' Gosh, Dean, that's about the nicest thing a guy's ever said to Cas. ...no really, it is. Cas tilts his head, but nods, reassured. Dean's being honest.

He slides his hand down to grip the neck of the bottle, slumping into the chair across from Dean in a very clumsy, very human kind of way as he takes a swig of Jack. It's so strange- his emotions are just so strong when he's mortal, and sometimes he has to wonder how humans manage to function with all those feelings mucking shit up. Right now, though, it's okay, because right now Castiel feels stupidly and absurdly happy.

Mostly, they don't function. Or Dean doesn't. He just stumbles through and hopes he doesn't screw things up irreparably.

He slouches on the edge of the bed, watching Cas slumped in the chair. It feels good to see him a little happier than he's been. Cas isn't exactly known for smiling, so when it happens, it lightens Dean's heart a little bit. Or a lot. He finds himself smiling, too.

"It's good having your around again."

"I would have made the attempt to find you if I'd thought you wanted to see me," Cas says, taking another gulp before holding the bottle out for Dean to take. "But I'd thought it was best if you didn't know."

"Cas, I had nightmares about you. I was dreaming about you dying, getting dragged into hell--there was nothing I wanted as bad as knowing you were okay. I wanted to look for you, but I didn't know where to start or...or if there was any point." Dean takes the bottle and--screw it--finishes it off.

"I was pissed. I'm still pissed. But I'd rather be pissed off at somebody that's here"

Ugh, feelings go away, stop complicating this conversation to hell and back. "I'm sorry, Dean. I am." Castiel just hadn't thought he was that important to you.

"Yeah, I know. You already said that part." He chucks the now empty bottle into the trash and stands up, gesturing. "C'mere."

The order is a little vague so Cas stands up and walks over toward Dean. Hopefully he'll get a hint as to when he should stop his approach, because otherwise he'll just keep going until there's like two inches of air between them and that's it.

Dean reaches out and slings an arm around Castiel's shoulders, dragging him in to close what little space is between them, hugging him tight.

"Don't you leave me again, you got that? Don't do it."

Cas can't promise he won't -things happen, he just can't- but God, he never, ever wants to. Not ever again. He wraps his arms around Dean and presses his mouth to his shoulder, closing his eyes. Dean hugs like how Cas has always imagined a family would.

They're interrupted by a knock and a call of, "Delivery," from behind the door. Cas is tempted to ignore it, but pulls back and allows Dean to pay for their dinner. "Do you want me to get Sam?"