inonebasket | (no subject)

"I get you." The slang still feels odd in Castiel's mouth, but maybe that's the point of saying it. If Dean doesn't get the correlation between being raised from perdition and being driven out of town- well he's stupid. And Cas doesn't care.

Gathering up their duffels, Cas scoops up the keys and heads off to pack up the Impala for another long day of driving.

Dean is stupid. He doesn't get the correlation. He will, given enough time and a little more than cryptic angel-explanations, but he doesn't yet. Sparing a minute to finish off his rapidly cooling coffee, Dean grabs a handful of candy from the jar on the table and follows after Cas, settling into the passenger side of the Impala.

He hates it on this side, he really does.

Dean's subdued once they start driving, turning Cas' words over in his head. He doesn't really remember hell so much as he remembers feeling it. Even his nightmares are mostly red-tinged impressions of horror. He definitely doesn't remember reaching for Cas.

"Did I really make a grab for you?"

"Yes." Castiel flicks on the turn signal and takes the on-ramp for the northbound interstate. He carefully merges into traffic and gets passed by a large 4x4 for his trouble. "I flew ahead. When I came upon you everything else scattered, but you lifted your hand. The sin that had accumulated upon your soul was attempting to corrupt you, to twist you into a demon, but it sloughed off once you reached for me."

"You are one reckless son of a bitch, you know that? What if I'd attacked you, huh?"

Cas, the speed limit is more like a suggestion. Go faster.

No the speed limit is the law. "You would have severely wounded your soul and my task of piecing you together would have been much more difficult."

So thanks for not doing that.

Laws were made to be broken!

"That's--not what I meant. Forget it." Dean slouches. He crosses his arms, winces, and uncrosses them again. "So what's it like for you? Being human."

Dean please remember that you are wounded.

"Like attempting to compress the information of a billion tomes into a five-page pamphlet."

"I dislike shaving."

That is not the answer Dean expected and also exactly the answer Dean expected. He cracks up, slapping his knee with his hand (and immediately regretting it). Even the pain shooting up his abused arm can't stop him from grinning.

"So how you feel about taking a dump, then?"

"I dislike that as well." Cas must really dislike it, because he keeps complaining about it. "I don't understand why Father would create humans to be works of art and then include that in the plans. I can't tell if He intended it to be satirical or metaphorical, but either way-" He's edging on blasphemy with that next part, but who cares?! He can say whatever he wants! Human! Free will!

Realizing this seems to empower Cas, and he sits up straight and grips the steering wheel before saying firmly, "It's stupid."

This is the most entertained Dean's been in a long time.

"It's input-output, Cas. Body takes what it needs from food and gets rid of the rest. You hate peeing, too?"

"He could have easily designed another method." Easily. Don't give Cas your 'that's just how life is' spiel Dean, he doesn't want to hear it.

"Ah, c'mon. It's not that bad. Think of it like...a chance for peace and quiet." This might be better if he'd stop grinning. "Lot of people like to get some reading done while they're in the crapper. Catch up on the news, practice a joke. I hear some people even pray."

Dean did, once, when he was fourteen and had food poisoning and had been sure he was going to die. He'd sworn off jacking off for a month if god would just spare his life.

God did, but Dean hadn't kept up his end of the bargain.

"No."

Not even an explanation or a well thought-out argument. Just 'no.' No, and fuck you for the suggestion. Cas is going to rush bathroom time forever because all of it is gross.

"Okay, okay, fine. You're not a fan of normal, healthy, human bodily functions. At least I don't need to know your opinion on sex--unless that's changed between that brothel I took you to and now."

Seriously. Entertained.

COUGH.

"...no. Nothing's changed."

Man, suddenly Dean's week is looking up. He'd forgotten how good it felt to screw with Cas.

"We should go again, you and me. Different one this time, of course."

"I think that would be very unwise." Pay no attention to how tightly Cas is gripping the steering wheel, Dean.

Don't worry, Cas, he won't.

"Come on. We find ourselves a coupla girls, you don't tell yours about her missing daddy, we have a good time."

"We have more important matters to which we must attend." Very stiff dialogue here, Dean. Take a hint.

All of Cas' dialogue is stiff dialogue. "Yeah, right, I know. Lay low, avoid Leviathans. I mean after we're off their radar. You could do with some loosening up. You lost the tie, yeah, but you are still buttoned the hell up."

"I don't want to." There, maybe being that blunt will work.

"Cas." Dean gets a little more serious. "Look, I dunno how it is for angels, but us humans? We gotta take breaks sometimes. You stay that tense for too long and bad things start happening to you."

"I doubt I'll physically injure myself due to lack of sexual intercourse."

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