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[bondsprofoundly.livejournal.com]

This was not how Castiel had wanted to reunite with Dean Winchester. In fact, now that he was at that point, Cas wasn't sure he'd wanted to reunite with Dean Winchester at all. Guilt sank heavy and uncomfortable in his stomach and he was still getting used to the intensity of feeling.

He'd thought things were confusing as an angel. Twenty times worse with a human ticker pumping away in his chest.

Still, there wasn't exactly an option of running when the only exit was prowled by the Leviathan just beyond the door, held at bay only by the wards Cas had carved into the wood and accented with blood from the gash clotting on his forearm. He checked the shells in his shotgun (useless), the bowie knife against his thigh (also useless) and finally, finally looked over at Dean, not sure what he was going to see.

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[thatwasscary.livejournal.com]

"Yes, I do and no, you're not driving my baby again." If they have to stay here for another day, then dammit, they will stay here for another day.

[bondsprofoundly.livejournal.com]

"We can't stay here any longer," Cas insists stubbornly, and it's almost like he can read Dean's mind again. He collects Dean's toiletries and stuffs them into his duffel. "The Leviathan is most likely mobile again and will be very unhappy with both of us. Staying put is too dangerous."

[thatwasscary.livejournal.com]

Dean makes a face. He hates it when other people are right.

"Okay, so we lie low for a while. And you drive, but only to the next town, we clear?"

[bondsprofoundly.livejournal.com]

"Because of course, once the Leviathan scours this town for us and finds nothing, it will simply give up." Cas couldn't sound more sarcastic if he'd eaten a bowl of cynicism for breakfast.

[thatwasscary.livejournal.com]

"One town, Cas! We switch off!" It isn't just Dean's stubbornness flaring up, it's his defensiveness. Dean Winchester isn't the one who gets protected, he's the one who does the protecting.

"This wouldn't even be an issue if you'd heal me!"

Foot, meet mouth.

[bondsprofoundly.livejournal.com]

Cas straightens up to his full height- it's not particularly considerable, especially not when shoulder-to-shoulder with a giant like Sam, but with Dean he's almost eye-to-eye. His expression is old and tired, but doesn't betray even a flicker of hurt.

"That's what I'm trying to do." Cas tilts his head, just barely, just a single degree, and the gesture doesn't mean what it used to. "But you don't seem to think you deserve that, either."

[thatwasscary.livejournal.com]

Dean flinches anyway. That little movement, the way he straightens up and tips his head reminds Dean of everything Cas used to be and isn't anymore.

"Cas, I'm sorry." See Dean. See Dean not listen to a word falling out of Cas's mouth. "I know this whole...human thing isn't easy for you. I shouldn't have said that."

[bondsprofoundly.livejournal.com]

"No, Dean, you aren't listening." Cas takes a step forward, right up into Dean's space. He mimics the gesture Dean had used to catch his eyes years ago, tilting his head until he has Dean's attention and pulling him back. "You still deserve to be saved."

[thatwasscary.livejournal.com]

And for once, Dean doesn't tell him to back off.

"Cas, I don't think I need saving anymore. It's the rest of the world that's kinda screwed. You're kinda screwed."

[bondsprofoundly.livejournal.com]

"When I sought your soul in hell, do you know how I found you?"

[thatwasscary.livejournal.com]

"Cas, I'm not in hell anymore. I'm not in hell and the apocalypse never happened, okay?"

[bondsprofoundly.livejournal.com]

"Dean."

[thatwasscary.livejournal.com]

"What."

[bondsprofoundly.livejournal.com]

"What set you apart from all the other wounded souls was that even twisted and steeped in the cruelty Alistair forced you to perform, you reached for me." Castiel grabs Dean's chin with fingers stronger than they looked, both to shock him back into silence so that he wouldn't interrupt and to keep his eyes forward. "Halfway toward the demonic, you reached for me. You should have been terrified. You should have fled, but you didn't. You cast aside your knives and reached, and I knew then you were the soul I sought."

[thatwasscary.livejournal.com]

Well, that shut him up for a minute anyway.

"Cas...anyone would've wanted out of that mess."

[bondsprofoundly.livejournal.com]

"The others fled. The other demons, Alastair and his disciples. Souls who had only tortured for a week wept in my presence but you didn't. You saw salvation and even if it hurt to touch, even if it burned, you wanted it."

Cas lets Dean go and takes a step back. It isn't just determination on his face now, it's a glowing pride that can't be replicated, can't be compared to any other relationship; fatherly, brotherly, nothing. Castiel is the angel who raised the Righteous Man, and Castiel is the angel to whom the Righteous Man reached. "I will drive until I believe the Leviathan will be unable to find us. I promise that I'll be very gentle with your car."

[thatwasscary.livejournal.com]

Dean really, really doesn't see what hell has to do with Cas driving, but.

But he's got nothin'. Not when Cas is making a face like that. It's like a freaking conspiracy. He can't say no to that face. He can't.

"Okay. Alright. Fine. You can drive. But I swear to god, Cas, you put so much as a nick in her paint, I'll have your head, you get me?"

[bondsprofoundly.livejournal.com]

"I get you." The slang still feels odd in Castiel's mouth, but maybe that's the point of saying it. If Dean doesn't get the correlation between being raised from perdition and being driven out of town- well he's stupid. And Cas doesn't care.

Gathering up their duffels, Cas scoops up the keys and heads off to pack up the Impala for another long day of driving.

[thatwasscary.livejournal.com]

Dean is stupid. He doesn't get the correlation. He will, given enough time and a little more than cryptic angel-explanations, but he doesn't yet. Sparing a minute to finish off his rapidly cooling coffee, Dean grabs a handful of candy from the jar on the table and follows after Cas, settling into the passenger side of the Impala.

He hates it on this side, he really does.

Dean's subdued once they start driving, turning Cas' words over in his head. He doesn't really remember hell so much as he remembers feeling it. Even his nightmares are mostly red-tinged impressions of horror. He definitely doesn't remember reaching for Cas.

"Did I really make a grab for you?"

[bondsprofoundly.livejournal.com]

"Yes." Castiel flicks on the turn signal and takes the on-ramp for the northbound interstate. He carefully merges into traffic and gets passed by a large 4x4 for his trouble. "I flew ahead. When I came upon you everything else scattered, but you lifted your hand. The sin that had accumulated upon your soul was attempting to corrupt you, to twist you into a demon, but it sloughed off once you reached for me."

[thatwasscary.livejournal.com]

"You are one reckless son of a bitch, you know that? What if I'd attacked you, huh?"

Cas, the speed limit is more like a suggestion. Go faster.

[bondsprofoundly.livejournal.com]

No the speed limit is the law. "You would have severely wounded your soul and my task of piecing you together would have been much more difficult."

So thanks for not doing that.

[thatwasscary.livejournal.com]

Laws were made to be broken!

"That's--not what I meant. Forget it." Dean slouches. He crosses his arms, winces, and uncrosses them again. "So what's it like for you? Being human."

1/3

[bondsprofoundly.livejournal.com]

Dean please remember that you are wounded.

"Like attempting to compress the information of a billion tomes into a five-page pamphlet."

[bondsprofoundly.livejournal.com]